By Franklin Cook, SPNAC Editor
I have worked in suicide prevention and suicide grief support for a little more than a decade, and for the past year and a half (since the SPNAC blog was launched), I’ve scanned hundreds of articles on this tragic subject. In the course of my encounters with what is said and written in communities across the country and on the Internet, I have been subjected about a thousand times to the declaration “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,” and I cannot hear it one more time without crying out: Please stop saying that!
I know that it must seem like a clever and even a helpful thing to say (or else why would people have kept saying it, right up to the point where it has become nothing less than a cliche but with the power, I’m afraid, of an axiom). The declaration seems clever, I suppose, because it has the pleasant sing-song rhythm of an advertising jingle, like “I am stuck on Band-Aid, ’cause a Band-Aid’s stuck on me.” And it seems helpful because, of course, it is true: Indeed, suicide is a permanent solution.
But here’s why I argue that we should stop saying it:
The statement violates the age-old principle that what we communicate ought to be designed specifically with a focus on the audience for whom the particular communication is intended. “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” might strike someone who is not suicidal as a clever statement, and it might be a helpful thing to hear from the point of view of someone who already believes (or is likely to be convinced) that his or her problem is temporary. But the audience for this anti-suicide ditty is, of course, people who are suicidal.
As Edwin Shneidman points out in his Ten Commonalities of Suicide, “The common purpose of suicide is to seek a solution.” So emphasizing to a suicidal person that suicide is a permananet solution is as likely to be unhelpful — or even harmful or dangerous — as it is to be helpful.
The problem a suicidal person is trying to solve, according to Shneidman, is how to escape from psychache, which Shneidman defines as “intolerable emotion, unbearable pain, unacceptable anguish … [that] cannot be abated by means that were previously successful” (emphasis added). In other words, from the point of view of someone who is earnestly considering killing himself or herself, the pain from which suicide would provide escape is not temporary.
Even though the perception that the pain is permanent is not accurate, the strategy of trying to convince a suicidal person that his or her pain is temporary is as likely to be counter-productive as it is to be productive.
For one thing, a suicidal person might be irrational regarding the subject of whether his or her pain is permanent or temporary. Irrational might not be the right word for it, but what lies at the core of many suicidal people’s dilemma is that the usual cognitive tools we rely on — such as reason or logic — are not available to them in their battle with their dark, self-destructive thoughts. So relying on a logical explanation of the nature of their pain to “convince” them of something could be ill-advised both because it might be fruitless and it might be seen as argumentative (“Your pain is temporary.” “No it’s not.” “Yes it is.”)
In addition, saying, “Look, your pain is only temporary,” might minimize or negate the importance or validity of the person’s feelings, sending the message that he or she is wrong about the nature or value of the pain. It also might be taken as judgmental or condescending (the speaker knows what pain is really like, but the suicidal person is mistaken about it). Finally, it might oversimplify the ultimate solutions to the underlying problems that are causing the person’s pain, for the jingle suggests, in part, that if a person would merely believe that his or her problem is temporary, then all would be well.
Perhaps I think too much about this sort of thing, for in fact, I could write an entire post, as well, on the use of the phrase completed suicide. The field “invented” the phrase, so the story goes, to replace successful suicide because successful is a positive term describing a negative event (we don’t want to characterize a suicide attempt as being “successful” when someone dies and as “failed” when someone lives). But if the word successful has positive connotations, isn’t it starkly obvious that the word completed has them, too, just as much or even more so? We don’t say “completed heart attack” or “completed automobile accident,” we say “fatal,” and that’s what we ought to say with suicide, as in suicide fatality or either fatal or non-fatal sucide attempt.
It is true generally of all communication, but it is absolutely vital when it comes to messages about suicide that we think before we speak.
[The abridged URL for this post is bit.ly/permanentsolution .]
- Other recent SPNAC opinions:
- “Primary Care Depression Screening Would Save Lives” on February 8, 2010 at http://tinyurl.com/DepressionScreening
- “One Man’s Death Offers Insight into Humanity and Suicide” on February 19, 2010 at http://tinyurl.com/HumanityAndSuicide
- “Antidepressants Aren’t the Problem, Marketing Them Is” on February 26, 2010 at http://tinyurl.com/AntidepressantMeds
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Hello, I too deal with suicide through outreach, and I have to agree that this comment does more harm than good.
Suicide has deep seeded problems and as much as people want to help and are trying to do their part, the one thing that needs to be addressed is that suicide attacks the mind as well as the heart and one has to step into their realm and quit trying to ask the hurt person to step out of theirs. They simply can’t.
Suicide effects the rational thinking, and as much as a statement like that makes sense to us, to the hurting, it has no effect, it just perhaps proves to them that no one understands and that they are beyond help and hope.
I believe there is a cure to suicide but those involved have to be willing to allow themselves to work hard at it, and sometimes the person who is able to help has to do more than just talk.
I appreciate your comments Frank, and I think you’re absolutely right in terms of talking with someone who is suicidally depressed. Do you think it’s naive to want to convince somebody who is feeling suicidal now that it seems as if their problems will never go away or get better, but they can, just slowly and with a lot of help and ongoing work? I think one reason why the comment hasn’t bothered me as much in the past (though I’ll never hear it the same way again) is because I can understand saying it retrospectively, after the fatal suicide, as a way of saying it seemed like a good thing for the person to do, and it’s tragic for the people who have been impacted by their permanent loss–in other words, I guess the comment bothers me less if you’re talking to the people who have been left, but you’re certainly right that it’s absolutely the wrong thing to say to the person who is contemplating suicide. But how do you convince them that their problems can get better–not tomorrow but sometime in the future?
Thanks, Jenny. You make a very good point about how “suicide is a permanent solution …” has utility in some instances, including when one speaks retrospectively about it as you suggest.
I also wanted to share something I posted to one of the suicide prevention listservs frequented by professionals, which refers to some other excellent points people there were making that add to the discussion:
The individual who wrote that was expressing a personal opinion, and I must say (my exclamations on the topic notwithstanding) that I agree with her. The emphatic nature of my little essay on the matter I think stems from the fact, as I said, that I scan “hundreds of articles on this tragic subject,” and I run into so much that people say about suicide without having given it really any thought, and ” “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” is a prime example.
Thank you for this very useful essay.
Maureen
I agree with Jenny — this is an expression that I will not hear the same way again. It never really bothered me before, but does tend to sound somewhat flippant. Working in postvention, I’m constantly surprised by the number of professionals that continue to say “commit” and “compleated” rather than “died by” or “died of” or, as you suggested “suicide fatality.”
Although too much attention may be focused on the vernacular, it is important because the words used shape the message.
It also doesn’t address those who live with a lot of body pain. I have a fairly high tolerance for pain. I had a compound femur fracture at 12. At 17 I hit the road, I lived on a bicycle all over the west for 5 years, sustaining more injuries, including a broken clavicle, that I set myself in the woods. I became a treeplanter (if you want a downright painful job, try that one), and climber. On more than one occasion I’ve seen the white of my bones. My aches and pains are not imaginary, nor temporary.
I do hard work for a living, and am a debt free landowner, but uninsured. The last 2 years have been very hard, and at 44, with friends who’ve lived similar lives that are into their 60s, I have a good idea of what to expect, even they acknowledge that I’m a fair bit more beat up than most.
Short of narcotics, the only solution to such pain is humor, not quips such as that.
Never judge a man till you’ve walked a mile in his shoes…
Because then you will have his shoes, and you will be a mile away!
I’ve been reading a lot of suicide pages, and note that few people address what I was talking about. It so corresponds with the high risk groups, especially men in high stress or physically demanding lines of work. I would say that statement about a temporary problem may well apply to teens, but not so much to the people in my group. Is it silently acknowledged that for us, it can be an accepted course of action?
First off I want to say that I am comforted to learn of this web site- )I found the link from the Facebook entry Franklin recently posted). I have been affected by suicide several times throughout my life, but my most recent and to me most tragic – was the death of my 16 year old son almost 5 years ago. Although, I have since attended many support group sessions as well as counseling sessions, and walked in several community afsp walks and the NY 2007 walk, the sadness and devestation, becomes less sharp but always reamins with us. With regard to the permanent solution to a temporary problem statement, my mind is almost flooded with response. It is interesting, because I guess I never stopped to think about why the statement never sat well with me, but rather just preferred not to give it much mind. However, reading the above posts, I totally support the position that temporary problem could indeed minimize or negate the feelings of the person in pain. That being said, I’m sure we honestly can’t expect entire communities to change their vocabularies on the subject. I believe it is forums like this – where people such as ourselves who have been affected – may actually have some of the best tools and sensitivities to help someone in pain. They need solutions, not minimization.
Regarding solutions, and also regarding previous posts, as solution also usually has a postive connotation, I believe this is the true “aggravator” for me in this saying. Is the suicidal person now given the message that ok, a solution for you might be, support groups, and/or antidepressants, counseling, postive thinking and self worth thoughts..etc…. or as a permanent solution; suicide. Being that suicide is permanent and these other avenues may not be, it could almost make it sound more inviting. “At least it will all be done with”. I am sure whoever came up with this statement originally was trying to make sense of something none of us will ever be able to make sense of. It may have worked for them – it probably does work for other surviviors, at least for some time. For those of us who are deep thinkers, like myself, it raises questions. After being affected as we were/are we look for any and all courses of action to prevent it. I guess sometimes its discussions like these that give us pause….
Excellent points! I am presently completing an undergraduate independent study on suicide and terminological issues have been particularly challenging. The permanent solution cliche is strikingly rationalistic considering the typically highly emotive mental state of a suicidal individual, as if someone convinced that suicide is a reasonable solution can be easily persuaded through argument that it is not.
I like what you have to say about the term ‘completed’. It does seem significantly similar to ‘successful’. Throughout my research, I have found ‘death by suicide’ and ‘die by suicide’ to be the most neutral terms, but I also like your fatal and non-fatal attempt distinction. Dr. Morton Silverman makes use of ‘attempt’ in a similar fashion. His presentation on nomenclature of suicidology is available at the Suicide Prevention Resource Center website: http://www.sprc.org/traininginstitute/disc_series/disc_7.asp
In the presentation, he suggests doing away with several problematic terms including completed suicide, but in the end has no alternative recommendations to offer. I think your suggestions would be very useful for that cause.
If you look at the unemployment statistics, perhaps some problems are not temporary.
Suicide should never be an answer to a problem. This phrase “suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” is one I’ve hears several times, and I can’t help but wonder why someone would say it and why it’s such a widely known phrase.
““Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem” might strike someone who is not suicidal as a clever statement, and it might be a helpful thing to hear from the point of view of someone who already believes (or is likely to be convinced) that his or her problem is temporary. But the audience for this anti-suicide ditty is, of course, people who are suicidal.”
In my beliefs it’s just a frase, used by people aiming for social status. Nothing more. They just like the sound of it and how people around them agrees that it’s a true statement (when you first hear it).
That’s what most youngster’s want. Fancy stuff to say so that they’ll seem to be smarter than they actully are.
And I just realised that what I just wrote have already been written. But I totally agree with you, nice insight.
I am a 30 year old woman from the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation and that is the “slogan” that is used for the suicide prevention organization on the reservation. I feel it is very inappropriate because I feel that suicide is NEVER a solution. We all have bad days and even bad weeks but eventually with help of loved ones and in some cases professionals our problems can be solved with positive solutions. I think that it should be rephrased or not used because I find it offensive… I feel so strongly about this as my life was recently effected by suicide. My best friend found her brother after he commited the horrible act and her life and the lives of other family members and community members that knew him were deeply impacted. This is a very sensitive subject that I would like to bring light to in hopes that awarness is raised and prevention takes place.
I agree that sometimes people who are suicidal suffer from issues that are rectifiable with help and effort. However, as LOGDORK already addressed, this may not include people who live in bodily pain.
My wish is that people would stop saying that suicide is a solution for temporary problems, because some people can legitimately expect to be dogged by the same problems for the rest of there lives. It might not be humane to expect people to continue on in some circumstances and saying this simply degrades the amount of compassion given toward those are suffering.
Someone used this phrase in a discussion thread and I thought it was a great way of reframing a bleak outlook. In my attempt to find out who invented it, I came across this article which has drained my initial enthusiasm. By focussing in on the problem of what not to say, without providing the solution of what to say instead, I’m left feeling a tad helpless.
As someone with a history of attempts, I can’t even tell you how much I hate that phrase. I also cannot tell you how many times i’ve been in the hospital, or being transfered via cop, and staff or police go on and on about how dare I attempt to kill myself, for my problems are nothing compared to others… ‘How can a 16 year old healthy girl try to kill herself? Do you know how many little girls are in this hospital right now who wish they had your life?!’ Yeah, if only they knew what that life really was. Thank you for stating the stupidity of that comment.
I seldom use the term “committed suicide”, rather “died by suicide” following the idea of “died by homicide”
I have just read your article and I read the posts that follow and now I feel compelled to give you another look at what you say “shouldn’t be said”.
As a mother who buried her son 219 days ago from Suicide, I believe in his case and a lot of others I have dealt with since then, that is a very powerful, inspirational quote for those of us trying to stop the next one. There will be a next one! You see I was raised with a father who suffered from Depression, Schizophrenia and paranoia so bad that we were not allowed to leave the house or have friends in at times.
I watched my son struggle for years with panic attacks and Depression and saw the lack of concern for these things in this society. People tend to say, “think happy thoughts”, “think positive”, “you are just having a bad day”, etc,.. At NO TIME in his pain did ANYONE ever use such powerful tools of words like the very one you want stopped. At no time did a doctor or counselor ever say to him, DON’T THINK ABOUT SUICIDE or that we can work on getting you better. Like most of us who suffer from depression and I do, the first things all types of doctors want to do is cram pills down your throat, which if you study that, can lead to SUICIDE as they twist the mind into what we call “normal”. The day my son left I have done nothing but research the sadness of his life and others and I know now, the hard way, that the ONLY ONES TALKING ABOUT IT are the ones directly affected. How many billboards, tv ads, news reports or radio talk shows are talking about the awareness and help that can and SHOULD be available to all of us when we break? How many other tools are out there to educate our children that SUICIDE is a PERMANENT SOLUTION? How many schools actually implement bullying programs before they lose a child to Suicide?
I know and I say with fact that ANY information we can get out to all the suffering out there is a lot more than is being done now. This is your opinion and I will respect that, but walk in my shoes or walk in the 9 year old mothers shoes whose son was bullied to death. If we don’t use “slogans” or phrases that catch the eye and mind, no matter who agrees, then we become the complacent people who choose to ignore that 36,000 people each year die by Suicide and the numbers are 3 years old. Not every Depressed or Suicidal person can be saved, but I say with fact, that ANYONE who reaches out, even with a phrase is doing more than the pencil pushers doing NOTHING! Please don’t judge us for spreading the word. Please don’t judge anyone for spreading the word or raising awareness. You do not have to agree with how people try to educate, but you have to admit that ANY awareness we all bring can only help spread the message that there is possibly a solution to their problem.Suicide is not a treatable Medical condition, Depression is!
Mother of Korey
Pamela Riley
TY! Great post. The cliche that irks me is, “God never gives you more that you can bare”. Really? Whoever wrote that apparently never heard of suicide.
This essay and the comments are all very helpful in helping clarify some of my thoughts about terms, as well as language that I hadn’t really thought that much about. When talking about my 21 year old son who died by suicide 4 and 1/2 years ago, I say that he died by suicide; he had terminal depression. I look forward to the day that depression has no more stigma than cancer or seizure disorder, with resulting improved treatment and survival rates.
As someone who came to this site because I searched how suicide was the solution to a permenant problem, I can tell you that your article is spot on. To a person considering suicide, the problem is not temporary. The suicidal mind sees the problem as inescapable, and terminal. In fact, the logic of the phrase could lead a suicidal person to finish the act. The suicidal mind hears, “Suicide is a permenant solution to a permenant problem.”
Fortunately, (or unfortunately) I have childre, friends and family who would hurt too much. So as much as the idea sounds like a personally excellent decision, I don’t have that liberty. so please don’t think I need help. I just wanted to validate the author’s point.
I heard this phrase from a close friend who cared allot about me and it echos in my head today 9 years later. I disagree with allot of the comments on this page. When I was suicidal on a daily basis for years I never considered any solutions, only not.feeling pain anymore. When I heard the phrase it allowed me to begin down a path of perspective that included looking at other ways to fix myself other than suicide. Today I nolonger feel this way and am a very accomplished and healthy person with a Passion for life. Thanks.
I read this with great interest as someone who has used the term on several occasions and I myself will use it again, but all in context.
I understand all of your points of view and have extremely strong views on the subject myself. Suicide is a permanent solution to a TEMPORARY problem, the problem is that in all the situations I’ve dealt with and all the people that are left behind that I speak with they will understand this phrase in it’s entirety. if you want to address suicide honestly and openly you have to start addressing the true cause, people who have lost hope amongst a world that has created a stifling way for people to live and express their true emotions, one that feeds happiness to us saying that it is the paramount way of being without also letting us know that if you are not always happy that is ok and you know if you don’t want to be feeling a certain way that is ok too, having faith and trust in one another and accepting each other just the way we are, the medical and psychiatric industry has a lot to answer for along with stupid idealisation of the media of those who are perceived to be successful.
If the powers that be really wanted to address the growing epidemic that would start speaking to the people left behind by suicide however it would mean that they would have to take a pretty big hard honest look at themselves.
It’s all about empowering the people to stand up against everything that they have been conditioned to believe.
A little about me, I’ve been twice bereaved through suicide having lost my father 11 years ago and my only brother 8 years ago, I have at so many times wished for my pain to end and this cruel life of mine to be over, I have on numerous occasions been let down by systems that are meant to be in place to help those who are seeking help but have left so disillusioned and dissempowered,